I know everybody has this image in their heads of who they wanna be with forever and ever amen. What they'll look like, what they'll have accomplished, what they'll be like, etc. For years we think about this shit...til we meet someone who we think embodies everything our mental perfect partner is. Then we fall in love. Hard. Crown them King or Queen of hearts and walk through the world seeing them through these rose colored glasses. Cain't nobody tell us shit about our boo! lol. And this continues until the inevitable happens: They fuck up.
Now what? There are two ways we deal with this: the way we probably should deal with it and the way we actually deal with it. We'll tackle the latter first.
What We Do
In most cases we're so devastated that our "angel" has fallen from grace that we panic. Go into emotional overdrive, call KeKe'nem to fuck they ass [read: car, clothes, life] up while we chain smoke Newports and sip Hennessey straight from the bottle while listening to Mary J.'s "Not Gon Cry" in the backseat of the hooptie. And that's ok (as long as u don't get caught wreckin' shop and catch a case). What's NOT ok is what happens after the hangover has subsided.
We realize we don't wanna live without them. So we let them explain away their indiscretion and we tell them we've let it go...but that's a LIE. We ain't bit mo let it go. What we've done is tucked it away because we just want our angel back. But see, after our boo has been revealed as human, they've fallen and can't get up. They'll never again be "perfect". And after love's blindness has worn off, we begin to see more and more things we don't like. We nag more, fuss more, cuss more. We're too paranoid to trust again completely, and the relationship that once made us feel like heaven now makes us feel like we're moonwalking on hell. And we're miserable. And then it's over for good and it's all painful and we're scarred.
Now, I can't promise that this next method of dealing with it isn't gonna be difficult, but it will help alleviate some of the drama.
What We Should Do
First off, you're allowed to react. So whatever the situation is you are definitely entitled to feel what you're gonna feel. However, once that's done, you need to take some time for yourself. Go into your quiet place. Watching someone fall from grace is hard, especially when you love them. What you need to do in your meditation is decide whether or not you can live with the imperfect human that stands before you.
If you can't, so be it. Talk to them. Let them know that you cannot get past it and end it as soon as you're sure. Let the person go and work through it until you're at peace. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT get into another relationship until you've found your peace. It'll confuse you and drive your new boo away.
If you decide to stick with them, talk to them. Lay it all out on the table and then LET IT GO. It's not healthy to bring the negative from the past into the future. Allow your boo to be the human that they are and begin to love all sides of them. If they see that you can do that, it may make your relationship stronger.
That's all from me boos. Take what I've given you and RUNTELLDAT. Saddatay? Saddatay.
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