Sex Sundays(on Wednesday): Cunnilingus

Hey boo's! Life has all but slowed down since my last post and so again I'm not posting like I want to, but I promised Mz. Dade I would, so y'all can thank her for this one. Sex Sunday on a Wednesday...I'ma speak on head.

Aight, down to business. Get out ya pencils and take notes. Here are 3 sure-fire ways to make sure you leave ya girl satisfied.

1. Let the Beat Build. Just because the clitoris is the container of all the nerve endings does not mean you zero in and focus on it the whole time. That's like tuning into your favorite show in the middle of it. Yeah you get some of the excitement, but it's always better if you catch it from the beginning. And so you begin with the legs. Sprinkle light kisses along her calves, and plant soft licks on the backs of her kneecaps. Increase the pressure of your mouth and tongue kiss the insides of her thighs. By then she should have let out a sigh or moan of appreciation. That means you're doing it right :-). Suck the outside of her lower lips, then take your fingers and gently spread her lips apart. Now, do exactly as I say: lick and suck EVERYTHING BUT the clit! Do that for about a minute. Know that you're driving her crazy at this point, and there are two things that can happen. #1 she will get mad and grab your head and put your mouth where she wants it and ride your tongue into the sunset of her climax, or #2 she will wait for you to make the move on your own and you will feel in total control. Can't lose with either option.
2. If you can fuck it, you can eat it. This one is mainly for my fellas. Stop acting like you scared to get down and let her get hers. The act of intercourse is over when you nut. Stop being selfish! I promise it won't kill you to eat the pussy. And don't eat it like you don't wanna be down there. We can tell when you're not giving it your all and it's a total mood kill. In the words of my mans Redman: Don't be skurred, it's only pussy!
3. Listen to what she doesn't say. Her body will say more than her mouth could ever tell you. If she's speaking to you, literally and coherently, you're doing something wrong. By the same account, if she's not saying or doing anything at all, you're also fuckin' up. The goal is to keep her moaning. You'll also get physical clues as to what pleases her. If she's grinding her pussy into your face, she likes what you're doing and you're in the right spot. If she's squirming, it's either hurting or you are about a millimeter away from the place she needs you do be. Switch it up to get the desired effect.

I could go on longer, but I'm not revealing all the trade secrets ;-) take these tips into the bedroom and make it do what it do boos! Saddatay? Saddatay.

Singalong Saturday: Real Love

Hey boo's! Real life is getting in the way of me posting as much as I want to, but I'll get better, I promise :-) In the mean time, bust out ya combat boots and fitteds and singalong with me and Ms. Blige. Saddatay? Saddatay :-)

Word Vomit Wednesday

I sit

on back porches at night

glancing at moons that aren't bright enough

and I pray

that today will be the day

that makes the difference

I could reference Buddah when I need peace

but I'd much rather look inside for serenity

in the hope that I'll find it

and one day I will

and it will cover carcasses of dead inhibitions

bury then with the dirt of freedom

and I'll be able to be one

of them people who look back in wonder of how they got over

walk upright without looking over my shoulder

because the past and the future are all working together for the good of the right now

and how that happens I don't know

but I won't run away

be ok I will

and still

stand

or sit

but with renewed purpose

in the land of a million dreams realized

and be at home there.

Monday Tweak Session: ...and I was just like...I pay my taxes :-/

Hey boos! I do and say and think a lot of random shit throughout the day. Normally I keep it to myself but for the sake of my sanity (and so y'all know exactly what type of crazy I am) guess what y'all are gonna get today??? That's riiiight...my innermost thoughts :-) Please keep your hands and feet inside the vehicle at all times. Saddatay? Saddatay.

***When I write, sometimes I pretend I'm fucking the words, impregnating them with my passion, and the poem is our lyrical lovechild.

***I have no clue why heterosexuals deny me, the Kids, and the D(yke) block the right to marry. Shiddd it should a basic human right to be able to lie in church.

***Sometimes I have the inexplicable urge to dress like this:

and sing remixed versions of Little Mermaid songs...

***There's only one person in the world I think is doper than I am...and I only see that broad when I look in the mirror.

***Next time I get some head I'ma stand up after I bust one and scream "YES! IN THE FACE!"

***I pretend I'm Kanye West when everyone's looking.

***One day I'll make a great wife...but I'ma be the best damn side chick I can be in the mean time :-D

***If Lil Kim makes a comeback is she still gonna look like she's auditioning for the job of a clown in Willy Wonka's Asian circus?

***Really. really. Who's idea was it for Chris Breezy to sing the national anthem at the Mayweather/ Mosley fight? Whoever it was shoulda got a raise.

***Why the ugliest girls always scream the loudest when it comes time for pretty girl participation?

:-D love y'all. Have a dope day boo's!

Singalong Saturday: The Greatest Love of All...

You might remember him from the "What's Going Down" episode of "That's my Mama"... lol get ya laugh on boo's, cuz I KNOW y'all know this by heart. Have fun today! I know I'ma get it in! Saddatay? Saddatay :-)

Feel Better Friday: In the Middle of the Storm

Hey boo's! Didja miss me? Please forgive the lateness of this post. I had shit to do with my life today. Anyway On Fridays I decided that when y'all are getting your freakiness from every other blog, I'd try to inspire a lil' bit. Let's get to it. A friend of mine once told me something that resonated with me. She said:

"In life, everyone is either coming out of a storm, going into a storm, or in the middle of a storm."

Today I'd like to share with y'all my thoughts on what to do in the middle of your storm. Saddatay? Saddatay.

The storms of our lives come in many forms. Job issues, relationship issues, health issues, etc. all have the potential to create life forecasts that range from slight drizzles to hurricanes. And what makes it worse is that we never know how bad it's gonna be until we're smack dab in the middle of it. Unfortunately no one truly has the power to see into the future (besides Dionne Warrick and Cher...but that's off topic), so there's no way of really knowing how to deal with these things. And because we're faced with these hostile situations we don't know what to do with, we panic. Start trying to battle the winds and the rains in hopes that if we fight hard enough, our strength will make the storm pass.

But y'all know as well as I do that that bullshit never works. We only end up frustrating ourselves, confusing ourselves, and hurting ourselves more. And, to be quite frank, who the hell do we think we are tryina control the weather anyway?! How.Fucking.Presumptuous of us to think that we are sooooo powerful that simply fighting the elements and willing them away will actually make them leave. Ain't gon happen. That ain't how it works.

Now this is not to say that there's no hope of the storm ever ending. This simply means that it's gonna end on its own time. Fortunately, though, there is a space for us in the middle of the chaos. A space where, even though the mayhem threatens to get the best of us, we can be safe and at peace. Ironically, this is probably the last spot we'd ever think to look for safety, because it is not outside of the storm, it is in the dead center of it.

There will come a time, when you're in the midst of whatever kinda rains that have began to fall on you, that the torrent will seem like it is never going to cease. It will feel like you've entered hell and are confined there forever. And you will see no way out. And you will have only a grain of salt's worth of hope left. And you will have come to the conclusion that you just have to live in the storm. What you don't realize is that at this point, your faith is strongest. You are no longer fighting because you recognize that is is beyond your control. You have entered the safe place, the eye of your storm.

And from that vantage point you can see the melee, but it can no longer touch you like it once did. Things will become different, and, even though you won't quite understand why, you'll be at peace. And that peace will pass through you and around you until the clouds part to reveal the thing you thought you'd never see again: the sun.

I hope this helps somebody feel better. And remember this: the will of God will never lead you where the grace of God can't keep you.

Be encouraged y'all!

Peace

I Can't Even...

I tell u bout our people and the Holy Spirit. Just watch. Big ups to Freshalina over at crunktastical.net for posting this and giving me my 7 laughs for the day.